No, it’s not an error. I said to talk ‘to’, not ‘about’ your relationships.
There’s this very interesting thing about all of our relationships. They are unique, each and every one. They have their own energy and spirit. Think about it. A different person brings out a different part of you, right? There are those you giggle and laugh with. There are those you talk with about serious things. There are those who you hardly talk with at all.
You probably have assumed it’s just the nature of where you and the other person connect that makes each relationship so unique. Here’s another idea. What if it’s the unique blend of the two of you together that creates the ‘energy‘ between you? Some particular combination at work?
Each relationship’s energy has its own unique personality. And you can actually talk to it to see what it has to say about the relationship and the people who are in it. It’s this wonderful concept I learned about, long ago, during my coaching training with CRRGlobal. The brilliance comes when you actually ask the ‘Relationship‘, or as they called it the Third Entity, what’s going on.
Yes, I’ll agree it sounds a bit wacky, and it works!
When I’m working with a couple, I will ask them to each embody and speak as if they were the Relationship itself. Often the Relationship has a new perspective on what is going on. It can often see the whole better than the individuals, while also seeing both sides.
The technique is pretty simple. One of you moves to a different place in the room, and speaks as if you actually were the ‘voice of the relationship‘. The only caveats are to speak in the first person, and let go of your perspective while you are speaking as the Relationship.
This is a useful and fascinating tool for all sorts of exploring. Of course is seems like—and is—a natural for ‘couples work’, and in that arena it works even if only one member of the couple isthere. They can be both their own voice, and the voice of the Relationship—and just to play a bit further they can also personify the voice of the other partner!
But wait, there’s more! (Not to sound too much like a bad late-night TV commercial.) There are many other places where you can use this process. A really obvious one in with your relationship with Money. What would Money say if it could talk? And what would the Relationship between Money and you say if it could talk?
Think of it as a bit of role play, and let your imagination fly with all sorts of options. It’s not only a playful thing, but a very simple way to give ourselves permission to explore other options and possibilities.
And just for fun, you might want to explore the idea of even bigger groups and systems having a unique Relationship voice or energy. For example, what about:
- Your family?
- Your neighborhood?
- You and your pet(s)?
- The company you work for?
- Your country?
- Your church?
They all have their own unique personalities, don’t they? For me, somehow knowing and understanding that there is an overall unique Relationship ‘entity’ makes dealing with all the ups and downs easier! It makes it all less personal and more a “systems” thing, especially with those bigger entities. Happy exploring and role playing to you, your partners, and your Relationships!
Shell Tain, the Untangler
I’d love to hear about what you discovered it talking with your relationships. Give me a call at 503-258-1630 or leave a comment.