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The daughter of a good friend of mine graduated from high school this summer.  She’s a wonderful girl.  As an example of her grace andbuy purchase phenergan thoughtfulness she sent me a very nice thank you note for the gift I gave her.  I was delighted.  It’s so rare these days for anyone to do such a thing, let alone a young person.  There was, however, one thing I was really curious about.  The entire note was printed, even the signature.

When I asked my friend about this she said that they taught her handwriting in about the 3rd grade but that no one is using it any more.  Wow.

Technology has given us speed.  We have spell check, which is a godsend for me.  I really can’t spell.  Everything is legible. We don’t wait for days to know something.  Sure, the phone texts are funky and sometimes downright weird.  But what are we giving up to have all of this?

I do find that with all the typing I do, my handwriting has gotten messier and I still use cursive, a lot!  I’ve been pissed with myself for years for not having paid more attention to the shorthand I took in high school.  I’d love to have that skill and be able to take more effective notes.  It’s too late, though.  I can’t find a place anywhere that teaches it L.

Note taking was the first place that my mind went to when I thought about my friend’s daughter going off to college and only printing.  It changes everything.  Of course, they won’t print.  They’ll sit there typing on their laptop or pad, taking notes, hardly looking up.  That changes the interaction or maybe even eliminates it?  The thought of trying to be a teacher with no one even looking in your general direction makes me sad.

And then I think of the letters I have.  Yes, I know.  I don’t actually write them anymore.  All the more reason for me to cherish the ones I have.   I have over 20 years of letters from one grandmother.  I recently reread them all and was delighted to be back in her company.  It so transported me that several times I thought, “I’ll need to write her back about this.” as I was reading.

Reading the letters I have from my dad not only brought him back but gave me some insights I hadn’t seen before about his thoughts on, wouldn’t you know it, money!

The earliest family letter I have is from Guy Wood to Nellie Willits in 1893.  Several years later, they would marry and, many years after that, I become their great granddaughter.  He was writing to her as she was visiting the Chicago World’s Fair.  The irony in this letter is that he points out that she should go see the City of San Francisco in the California Building.  That would be the exhibit of how ‘Frisco looked 13 years before the devastating 1906 earthquake.

Each letter is a window into the writer, the recipient and their relationship. It’s not just in their words but in their script.  I can recognize their handwriting as easily as their voices.  I love the misspellings, the incorrect grammar, the scratch outs, the little drawings.  My grandmother used to always think of something she forgot to add, so it would be written in sideways or even on the flap of the envelope in tiny script.  You don’t get any of that with a keyboard.

The more I think about this, the more mixed up I get.  There’s no stopping it and I want to remember the gifts of that slower process as I let it go and say goodbye…sigh.



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We’ve all wasted money.  It’s part of being human.  Something looks good in the moment but turns out to not be a great idea in the long run.  We waste money on stuff, experiences and even people.

We buy clothes that don’t fit with the idea that some day they will.  We buy colors that we know don’t work for us because they are on sale or our mom likes them.  We go to an event that is not our thing just to make someone else happy.  For me that would be most sporting events, just so you know.

buy phenergan 25mg ukWe stay in relationships that aren’t working and pay out bucks for the privilege.  We buy the purple chair that we fall in love with but doesn’t go with anything else we own.

We buy food that we don’t like but is healthy that eventually goes bad and gets tossed. We’ve bought lemons and not made lemonade.

We’ve done all sorts of things that waste money and the truth is that we will continue to do that.  Of course, we can get better at it.  We can be clearer about what we really want.  We can stop settling for things we don’t like.  We can stop letting others over-influence our choices.  That’s all good stuff to do, and it will truly help you to both waste less money and treat yourself better.


Wasting money isn’t as bad a thing as you think it is.  More of it always shows up.  You are absolutely hard wired to have at least enough.  If you’ve followed me for any amount of time you know that I have this whole thing about enough.  Most of us live in that land, Enoughland.  The bad news about that is that it would be more peaceful and easy to live in Plentyland. The good news is that living in Enoughland means that even if you fall down you will get back up quickly. There may be some bad and ugly spots, but you won’t stay there.

Would I like to have never wasted any money in my life?  Oddly, I’m going to say “No”.  Sure, I’ve wasted money, bunches of it.  I’ve made silly choices, dumb choices, even heartbreaking choices.  However, the life I would have had to live to never make any of those wasted money choices would have been awful.  It would have made me crazy and made everyone around me really, really anxious.  Those ‘wasteful’ choices have all helped me to learn and to grow.

The money that got wasted is like the mirage losses that people pine about.  Mirage loss is a term I just made up, this second.  Here’s what I mean.  Let’s say you bought a house in 2000 that you paid $200k for and in 2005 it was worth $250K.  When you sold it in 2008 you got $225k for it and you think you lost $25k.  That’s a mirage loss.  You didn’t actually ever have that money so you didn’t lose it.

The cost of continuing to fret about the loss is more expensive than the actual loss. Think about it.

Say you bought the dining table that was butt ugly and eventually got rid of it.  Okay, wasted money.  Isn’t it better to have gotten rid of it and ‘lost’ the money than to be sitting at that ugly table every day?

So here’s what I say:  “Thank goodness for all the wasted money I spent.  It was worth every penny.”  How about you?  What do you say?



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I simply love having money conversations.  They inspire me with even more learning about how our money stuff works.  During a podcast recording session with Michael Knouse of can you buy phenergan over the counter in australia I realized there was a piece of the idea of us all having five year olds running our money that I hadn’t actually blogged about…yet!  So here goes:

Let’s start off remembering about how you learned aboutcan you buy phenergan over the counter in nz money.  Oops, you didn’t actually learn about money, did you?  You learned about how people felt about money and most of them didn’t feel good about it.  You learned that it was taboo, verboten, simply not discussed.  And you learned that, well, even before you learned to talk. You noticed that this money thing was important.  Your folks dealt with it every day.   So you watched and came to conclusions, conclusions that never got revised or improved upon because nobody talked about it…nobody.

In many ways the story of money stalls out right there.  It’s why I say we all have 5 year olds running our money.  Only 1 person in 40 knows how much their parents actually made in dollars when they were young.  That translates to at most 2.5% of people talking to kids about money.  That’s a very small group.

So here you are, grownups with money knots.  Big gnarly ones.   You might have debt, you might have trouble asking for it, you may even feel like everyone else knows this stuff except you.  Most of all you are likely to have a sense of shame and failure.  Wow, what a mess.

Well, here’s the truth.  You left your 5 year old self hidden away handling your money.   You didn’t know you did that.  It never occurred to you.

For just a moment, picture yourself as a 5 year old.  Really bring that cute kid to mind.   Imagine yourself in your play clothes, with dirty hands and junk in your pockets.  Got it?  Well, that’s who has been handling your money.  Now notice the look on that little kid’s face as the subject of money comes up.

Wide eyed and bewildered? Scared? Serious? What do you see?

This is truly one of those things that we just never realize until we do.  You had no idea you were leaving your little kid self in charge of this big person issue – money.  It was taboo to talk about, even with yourself.

Want proof that you left this part of you in charge?  Just look at what you do with money. And look also at what you don’t do.  Do you avoid looking at it like the plague?  Do you spend with wild abandon?  Do you get angry with money?  Do you obsess about money?  Do you hoard money?  Do you waste money?  All those things, along with some other similar choices, are what little kids do when they are up against it.  Think about it.

Here’s the remarkable thing.  Your 5 year old self has been running your money all this time and for a 5 year old they’ve done a pretty good job!  You left them holding the bag, in charge of the money, and never really came back to help.  I think all our 5 year old selves deserve medals for selfless devotion to a task they weren’t trained or prepared for.

And you deserve a break for not even knowing it was going on.  How could you?  No one talked about it.

So now it’s time for you to make a couple of changes:

1.     Give your 5 year old a fun, easy job.  Playing with your dog, helping make cookies, etc.  No more money management for that part of you!

2.     Find a different part of you to take over this job.  Someone who is willing to exercise strategies like getting expert help, paying attention, and learning how it works.

You wouldn’t actually pick your 5 year old self to run your money, would you?  I also suggest you don’t pick your teenage self for the job, and I know there is a great you in there that would really benefit from getting clear on this money stuff.

Look at it this way: If your 5 year old did as well as they did, imagine what you could do now?

Maybe a first step is to listen to the podcast of Michael Knouse and myself chatting this?  He’ll be publishing our call this coming Monday, July 13th.  I’m actually Episode #81.  He’s been busy with all sorts of fascinating people.   Check it out! But not until the Monday!  can you buy phenergan over the counter in ireland



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Many of you know that I was a CFO/Controller for many years, and a big chunk of those years I worked for American subsidiaries of Japanese companies.  They had this interesting perspective around budgets.  They very much wanted the budget to be accurate, perfect if you will.  Neither over, nor under!

Mostly, in the US, under budget is a good thing, although there are fascinating stories of people spending in lavish and weird ways to make it appear that they really did need everything they asked for…the film industry comes to mind.  But I digress.

Initially, I was pretty bewildered when I was informed by the home company’s accounting buy phenergan online australiathat I was supposed to have the budget be right on.  I informed the powers that be that “the only way to have the budget be entirely accurate is to complete it after the end of the period”.  And that report is not actually called a budget.  It’s more of a Profit/Loss statement.  You see, it’s a timing thing.  I can’t actually see into the future.  I can predict but I can’t  know what it really is until the future actually arrives.

I bring this up as a new way to look at the whole perfection knot we get ourselves tangled in.  We want to be perfect, have everything nice and tidy, in life and in money.  The problem really is that we won’t know what perfect will be until things are done.  And there are so many possibilities of outcomes, deciding that there is only one that is perfect seems a bit premature, doesn’t it?

The other thought that comes to mind is that while we are pushing for ‘perfection’ we are also missing possibilities for delightful side trips along the way.  This idea makes me think of how we create rituals around things, expecting that by having the ritual be perfect the experience will follow and it too will be perfect.  Holiday dinners come to mind.  And yet maybe the year when the Turkey burnt and you all ate PB & J sandwiches was really the best one of all time? Maybe the definition of perfection needs to be a bit less perfect?

It’s one of the challenges around money isn’t it?   What would the perfect amount of money be?  And what did you miss noticing, experiencing and enjoying while you were in pursuit of that number?

This blog was inspired by a little ditty, referred to as a Grook, by Piet Hein.  It seems to me to be the perfect closing J

Timing Toast

There’s an art to knowing when,

Never try to guess,

Toast until it smokes and then

twenty seconds less.



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Okay, so we all probably come from a dysfunctional family.  I get it.  There may be people who have perfection in that area, and if that’s true the numbers are slim, and I don’t actually know any of them.  The important thing is just how dysfunctional was your family, and how are you coping with and recovering from that? And what does Dysfunction really mean?

Earlier this year I ran across a blog post by Marriage andcan i buy phenergan over the counter in ireland Sex Therapist, Todd Creager .  He had a video post on the 7 signs of dysfunction, and with his permission, I’ll share a bunch of it with you.

The most important thing he said, the thing that really drew me in was: Dysfunction means you come from a family where you are afraid to be your true self. Wow!  There it is in a nut shell, plain, simple and true.

Let’s look at the 7 signs:

1. You have a hard time figuring out what you want.

2. You feel guilty a lot, your feelings of guilt lasts longer than 10 seconds

3. You end up in non-reciprocating relationships

4. Too much or not enough conflict in your intimate relationships

5. You are really hard on yourself.  Your inner critic never lets you be!

6. You have a hard time relaxing.

7. If you are a parent you are extreme.  You either run the family like a “boot camp” or are far to laissez faire in your parenting.

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Pretty interesting isn’t it?  I know my score is pretty high.  I’ve been working on this stuff for years.  I’ve shifted a bunch of it, and am still a “work in progress”.  The thing I love about this test is that it’s not only approachable but has that sense of practicality.  I heard it and thought…”oh yes, I see that.”  Some of the things I never had really tied back to the family experience, but had thought were somehow just how I was.

And, just because I can’t resist it, let’s see where money would reflect this.  Remember how money is reflective?  How it shows us what we are up to?

Do you have trouble shopping?  Is it hard to choose?  Or do you buy things that you don’t seem to really like once you get them home?  There’s number 1: figuring out what you want.

Number 2: feeling guilty a lot.  This shows up a bunch with my clients.  They feel guilty about many aspects of money…not having enough, not being good with it, not tracking it, etc.

Number 3, un-equal relationships, can be a bit tricky.  Maybe you pick up the check too often, or like several clients you “over gift” and “treat” others?  How about number 4: conflict in your relationship?  We all know many couples do fight about money, and on the other end they hide what they are doing with it from each other.

Number 5: the Inner Critic is all over our money stuff, all the time.  If I had a magic wand, it is the top thing that I would change.  I would stop those heinous, nagging, distracting voices in all our heads!

I blame number 6 mostly on number 5.  It’s hard to relax with the Inner Critic ragging on us to do more, and more, or less and less.

And, finishing up with number 7, it’s unfortunate but most people do the same extreme parenting thing about money with their own children that their parents did with them about money.  That usually looks like keeping it in the taboo, un-talked about place.

So yet another place where money shows us what is driving us and where we are.  It reflects.  It doesn’t actually ‘make’ things happen.  It shows us what we are choosing.

Let’s all work on making different choices.



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Around some things we say way too much, and around others not enough.  Sometimes we research and gather data like crazy, sometimes we just wing it. How we gather and process information is yet another place where we do that black/white, on/off, base 2 extreme thinking.  To paraphrase Dr. Phil, let’s take a look at how that’s actually working for us…

What’s really under this thing I’m calling Information Extremes seems to be something about assumptions.   We assume we already know everything we need to know.  We assume we can’t learn more.  We assume others already understand.

I really ran into this when I lived for two very long years in South Carolina.  Now in many ways, this was not the best place on earth for me.   It felt odd.  I didn’t understand the culture or how to maneuver through it.  One of the things that really made it hard was a perspective I named ‘Everybody Knows’.  It worked liked this.  No one felt the need to how to buy phenergansupply details about places, events or many other things because ‘Everybody knows’.  When the newspaper has a head line that says ‘Fourth of July Fireworks at the Fort’ I actually have some questions.  Questions like which gate do you use, is there a fee, what time does it start, can you bring food, what are the rules of the event.  None of that information was available because ‘Everybody Knows’. Except of course those of us that don’t.  This phenomena extended to all sorts of things including directions to turn at the corner where the filling station was, the one that was torn down 30 years ago was.  It came from this community having done things the same way for many, many years.  Somehow, anyone naïve enough to move there was just supposed to tap into some strange collective unconscious to figure things out.  I know this happens in small towns all over the place, yet the city I was in was the state capital with a university and a large military presence, so I wasn’t by any means the only person who couldn’t qualify for the ‘Everybody Knows’ club.  As you can no doubt tell, I felt less than welcome.

This is a prime example of how we assume the yes/no logic will work.  Long ago in my initial coach training they talked about yes/no not really being a choice.  That really struck me.  Think about politics: are two options really enough?  Aren’t we settling there?  I find I frequently don’t actually get to vote for what I really want, but more for the option that I dislike the least.

It’s like when you are watching the courtroom scene on the telly.  How irritating is it that the person on the stand has to answer yes or no, with no explanation or elaboration allowed.  Creates a pretty narrow view doesn’t it?

Here’s the money piece to this.  We assume we don’t know, and never will.  We assume it’s too hard, too confusing, too scary…too extreme.  We pick feast or famine as a model.  If I’m scared of money and have avoided looking at it, I assume the only way out is to get a green eyeshade and analyzes every money transaction in great detail.

What about the middle?  What about choosing that?  What about taking steps to something new, learning and applying one new skill or tool at a time? What about just looking?  How about a dimmer switch.  I love those things.  I have options between all the light or no light.  I can have some, a little light, more light.  Every little piece of money information you choose to gather or learn about brings more light to the topic.

So when it comes to money, and choices about all sorts of things, forget the Information Extremes, say boo to Everybody Knows, and exchange the switch on the wall, and the one in your head, for a dial!



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By now most of you know that I have a wealth of ‘sayings’ at my fingertips.  Some are clichés, but I still like and use them because they ring true.  Some are just silly.  Most come from my heritage which includes lots of Irish, and a bunch of ‘country folk’.  Some I’ve found say more about my heritage than I knew.

When listening to a recording of Frank McCourt’s ‘Tis; a memoir’ I was astonished to hear a phrase I had only ever heard from my father.  It confirmed how deep the Irish roots really went.  “Your bladder is right behind your eyes” It basically means that you cry easily.  Wow!

There is another one that I am particularly fond of because it is multipurpose.  Sometimes it’s used to say that we have over exaggerated a problem and made it far worse, catastrophized it if you will.    It can also mean that we are dreaming way beyond the current circumstances.

Of course, I learned it when someone accused me of it.  And they were right.  I had “taken buy phenergan online new zealanda button and sewed a suit on it”.  I’d taken one event and applied it to a far reaching future that might not even happen.

It’s a talent we all seem to use at one time or another.  And boy do we use it about money!  We can all cite chapter and verse, and provide tons of evidence, to when money let us down, wasn’t there for us, disappeared…whatever.  And it all starts with taking a button and sewing a suit on it.

This happens all the time with money.  Simple things that happen and somehow grow in to big issues.  The lady that has the shopping ‘addiction’ that comes from Mom showing affection by taking her shopping.

The guy that can’t save money, because he’s sure it will get taken away.  See when he was little it was ‘taken away’ when his parents took the money out of his piggy bank and put it in a bank account for him.  He just didn’t understand that the money was still his.  He couldn’t touch or feel it any more.

All buttons with suits attached.

And my all time favorite.  The lady who explained how, when she was a kid, they got one pair of shoes a year.  This single pair had to last all year.  What did the suit she sewed on that button look like?  It looked like her now having 75 pairs of shoes.

Something to consider.  When do you sew suits on buttons?  What is the result of that?  My guess is that it at the very least distracts you from your goals, and even more likely actually hinders your progress.

I’d love to hear about one of your button adventures, with money, or not.



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What happens when we are distracted?  Mostly we end up missing things. Lately, I have had first hand experience with the need to minimize distractions.  I had to have a tooth pulled (yipes!) and, as a result, ended up with a cast in my mouth.  It was sort of like this giant wad of silly putty over half of my lower jaw.  And wouldn’t you know it, I had a talk to do three days later.

I knew that I had to address this big glob in my mouth.  If I didn’t, no one would actually hear anything I said.  Instead, they’d be wondering about the wad of white over my teeth.

I learned about this years ago.  I was taking a philosophy class.  The professor, let’s call her Marjorie, buy phenergan syrup ukhad this thing going on that totally distracted me.  She had a piece of lint caught on the inside of her panty hose on her calf.  Now in those days of pantyhose, that kind of thing happened to the best of us.  The thing that got really distracting was that it was there, in the same spot for about 5 days.  My mind just fixated on it.  What was going on?  Did she not wash them?  Did she never take them off?

While in her class I just kept pondering this, and being distracted.  I have no idea what philosophical things she talked about.  I wasn’t actually present.

I used this story of Marjorie’s Lint as I busted my tooth thing so people could actually pay attention during my talk.  It was an even better story than the ‘bar fight’ one I had been tempted to make up.

And then, as I often do, I started thinking about how we distract ourselves from looking at our money.  Many of us let any little thing substitute as something to give our attention to.

It takes attention to do well with your money.  It takes focus.  It takes actually noticing.

More and more credit card companies do their best to keep us distracted.  One of the more recent techniques is to go ‘paper free’. I’m all for not cutting down trees and conserving…but when I choose to not get a receipt, I’m also choosing to not register in my brain, or anywhere else, the purchase I just made.

There is a cost we incur when we are distracted.  We miss stuff.  Around money, what we miss the most is allowing money to do what I think is its most important job: Telling us what we are doing with our assets. Money’s main job is to show us what we are up to.  Are we spending on things we care about, or just spending?  Are we truly honoring ourselves through our money, or not?

Money has all sorts of information to give us…AND…it won’t chase us to do it.  It will only give you the information if you ask for it, look at it, demand it.  So money information is even more prone to being missed by our being distracted than other things are.

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Most people haven’t had any training about how to manage their money.  That is mostly because it is such an amazingly taboo topic that no one wants to talk about it.

But what if you want to learn more about how to deal with money?  And what if the idea of
taking a class that has the word “Finances” in the title makes youwhere to buy phenergan for babies run for the hills?  Well here’s a radical idea: design your own class, one that includes chocolate…lots of chocolate!

In a novel I was recently reading (“Home Safe” by Elizabeth Berg), the heroine found herself in a money knot.  Her husband, who always handled the money, has died.  She doesn’t like the idea of hiring someone else to handle her money.  And here’s what she’s thinking: “Her plan now is to take a class, just as soon as the right one comes along.  ‘Managing Your Personal Finances’ does not appeal. ‘Soothing Advice Plus Chocolate for Women Who Would Prefer Doing Almost Anything Else to Managing Their Finances’ does.

I absolutely know she’s not the only one that feels that way.  Many, many people do. Somehow, the vast majority of people who run ‘Finance’ classes are not the ‘soothing, chocolate supplying’ type.  They are the brass tacks, crunch numbers folk.

And most of us don’t need classes about Finances, we need classes about money.  It’s the day to day money things.  Saving, budgeting, and spending: using and handling your money effectively.  That’s what matters, and that’s where we need the help.

So why not design a ‘class’ for yourself that does that.  Before you’ve decided I’ve just lost my mind, indulge me a little.  If you were going to design a class, any class, what are the steps you would take?  Perhaps something like:

          What do I want to know? For example I want to know about Credit Cards.  Great! Now this can leads to what you might call the class.  The title for the class might be ‘Credit Cards, Friend or Foe?’ or ‘Credit Carding For Me’.

          Now make a list of all the things you want to know how to do around credit cards.  And please make sure to include some items on your list about how you ‘feel’ about credit cards, and what your ‘beliefs’ are about credit cards.  All this money stuff, be it credit cards, saving, budgeting, whatever, has components of emotion and beliefs in it.  If you think it’s just about following procedures than you’ll be lost.  If that was all it took, well then we’d all be doing it, right?  Notice the woman from the book wants soothing AND chocolate.  She didn’t just want instructions, and neither do you.

          Okay, so now that you have a list of questions and topics, how do you actually create the class?  I’m going to suggest two options: by yourself, and with others.

By Yourself:  research existing classes, books, on-line resources, etc, using the items on your list.  Call people who are doing classes and ask them if they cover what’s on your list.  Call finance pros and ask them the same things.

With Others:  form a group, meetup, etc with the goals of creating a forum for the topics in your list. The group will be a wealth of untapped information and energy.  People can research and bring back knowledge.

Either way, once you are truly clear about what you want to know how to do, it will be much easier to find it.  And you can always supply chocolate.  Make that a priority,  that there is always something that makes it silly, soothing, easy and fun.



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How much should you spend for housing?  What’s the right amount to save?  Are you percentagesspending too much on your hobby?  What about charity?  How much should you give to charity?  People are always asking me those questions.

The ‘standard’ amount for each of those kinds of questions are at best an average and, at worst, a SWAG (Scientific Wild Assed Guess).

Sure, I realize that people ask because they are bewildered by this money stuff and are trying to make some sense of it.  Since money is such a taboo topic, and no on talks about it, maybe getting some percentages of what you should spend on different categories would help you make sense of it, righty.  However, fundamentally it’s like asking something like “how many pairs of shoes should I have?”  Personally I know for some of my friends there is no limit on ‘necessary’ shoes.  It all depends on what is important to you.

Let me tell you about Bill.  Bill was a great guy that I dated in the 80’s.  He was a car guy.  To be more specific a ‘Vette’, as in Corvette, guy.  He’d already had several in his life by the time we were dating, and while we were dating he bought a brand new one.  To me, the color was ‘Taco Sauce’ (a rusty red).  He had it pinstriped.  He loved it.  He washed it every week.  (It deserves its one photo spot…so here you go!)vette

His family thought it was irresponsible of him to buy a $40,000 car (yep, that’s what it cost).  He was not a wealthy guy.  He worked as the manager of an Auto Parts store.  He had a 2 bedroom condo with a mortgage.  He rented out the 2nd bedroom to help pay for the condo.  His car payment was easily more than his mortgage.

To my thinking, he was both happy and responsible.  He wasn’t in debt.  His credit was good.  And he was honoring what was important to him (his car) while spending less on other things so he could still be responsible with all his other money choices.  His percentages were really working for him.  He was honoring what he loved, while taking good care of everything else.  He just made different choices than other people.

So here’s an idea.  Why not figure out what percentage you are spending now on Housing, Saving, Hobbies, and Charity and see how they feel?  Do you feel good about them?  Are they working for you?  Do you want to tweak them?

After all, if you were to follow the guidelines of the people who publish the ‘Should Stats’, whoever they are, you’d be honoring their values, not your own.  Maybe the percentages that the experts come up with are really meaningful only in how they make you feel.  What if that was true?

It’s not about someone else’s standard, it’s about what works for you.  Can you do both things at the same time?  Can you honor what you love, while making good choices about how to balance that so you take responsibility for yourself?

Try the idea out and see where it leads you.