Category Archives: money beliefs

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carpMuch too often we have an “all or none” perspective about things.  Money is one of those places.  We spend it or save it.   We hoard or bet it all.  We miss the all-important middle.  Working with a client the other day we hit upon another one of those extremes:  Protective vs effective actions.  In this money knot we either feel frozen in trying to protect what we have or create ineffective actions that leave us spinning wildly.

A good definition of protective is: “having or showing a strong wish to keep safe from harm.” When we are being protective we are being cautious.  There is, of course, value in being thoughtful and deliberate.  There is value in considering how to use your money in ways that align with what’s important to you.  This cautiousness gets to be a challenge when it goes too far.  Most of us remember some of the typical oddities about the way our “depression era survivor” grandparents behaved around money.  There are funny stories about basements with giant balls of saved scraps of tin foil (aluminum foil of the 30’s) and plastic margarine tubs by the dozen.   The idea was “Waste not, want not.”  Be careful.  Who knows what may happen, what disaster may befall us.  This behavior often went from being careful to the extreme of never actually recognizing that things got better and that they really didn’t need to “scrimp and save” for ever more.  Unfortunately, this protective nature gets really hard to even partially let go of.

Let’s look at the other word, effective.  It’s all about producing a desired result; solving a problem.  It actually requires action, lots of action.  The words thoughtful and deliberate come up here too, don’t they?  But in a different way than with protection.  We want an investment to be effective and make money for us, don’t we?   We try new ways of making money.  We hopefully lean on our talents to earn a living in a way that is more easy than arduous. Being effective is all about trying different ways of doing things.  Somehow it relates to trial and error and experimentation.  Figure out what works and what doesn’t.  Finding the way that gets the best results and perhaps even “more bang, for our buck”.  This works best when we are clear and intentional about our actions.

These two words can be and often are on opposing sides.  The protective side doesn’t want to risk something by acting.   Or the effective side may be so “gung ho” as to risk too much.

Here’s the deal: this is not an either/or situation.  It, like most things around money, will benefit from an application of both.   You do better by being protective and effective at the same time.  Find the middle. Combine the best of both money strategies.

Whichever one you tend to lean towards more, challenge yourself to “swing” out a bit and try the other one.  See what happens when you purposely pull yourself more toward the middle.  Money is really about the middle.  It swims toward us and away from us.  We earn it and spend it.   We give it and get it.  For it to work, and for you to do well with money, you need to find your personal balance between the extremes: between being protective and being effective.

I’m here to help you untangle all your money knots.  Just give me a call at 503-258-1630 or check out my website at buy phenergan 25mg uk

Ka’ching,

Shell Tain, The Untangler

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Most of us have spent some time pondering time travel. That idea of being able to go back and do something differently, or even just go back and relive some time in our past, is can you buy phenergan over the counter in irelandcaptivating. It’s also great fun to dream about and imagine the future. We think this is the stuff of science fiction novels, which it often is. And we do it all the time.

Yes, as humans we practice time travel. Many of us spend much more time time traveling than we do being in the present.

I’m sure that my dog, Decaf, used to dream. She would run in her sleep, just pedaling those back legs like crazy. That could certainly be considered time travel. But mostly dogs are in the present. “Ah, here, bone! Wow! Hey, over here, really good smells. Woof!” Many of us have experienced a similar phenomenon with cats. “Yes, you may rub me there, that is nice. Oh, I’m done now, meow!”

I hadn’t really considered this idea until I was on a call last week with Jim Smith (can you buy phenergan boots). He talked about the idea that we are all time travelers. This idea entranced me, and naturally (for me anyway) that lead me to thinking about how time travel effects how we think about money. It’s a money knot to untangle! Ha!

Most of the angst we have about money has little to do with where money is in the present. In this moment your money is what it is. It is dollars and cents. It is numbers. It is NOT emotion. The emotion in money comes from the past and the future. It comes from your time travel and the time travel of your parents. They worried about money, being afraid it would never be enough. You learned to worry about it, and not only did you time travel with it, but you agreed with theirs. If you travel back in time and consider your past, there has always been enough wasn’t there? Sometimes enough was less than at other times but there was enough, right?

And your worry about the future is that there won’t be enough. You travel ahead and fret about it. If past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, then you will also have enough in the future, since you had enough in the past, right? Part of the problem is that deep down you probably believe that worrying about money actually helped you do better with it.

I’m going to disagree with that idea, and explore it in the present. So, think of something about money that is worrisome. Okay, now fret a bit about it. What are the thoughts you come up with? Most likely something about “I must save more. Who knows what might happen? What if I lose my job? What if the house catches fire?….” on and on. Notice that the worry actually takes you time traveling into the future. We can plan for the future, we can dream of the future but we can’t actually be there, can we? So worrying now just distracts you from the present and sends you time traveling. It gets you emotional and more importantly distracts you from being here now.

Here’s a revelation. All those choices that you made about money in the past are what created where you are today with money, right? And when you made most of them, you weren’t really conscious of them in the present moment. In that past place you were worrying about money in the future. You weren’t really and truly noticing what you were doing with your money in that now. You were making choices without clear thought or direction. That’s where the money mess started. Right there while you were distracted with time traveling.

There is only one place to fix your money…NOW! It’s not about the choices you made in the past or the ones you make in the future. It’s the ones you make now. We all may have some “clean up” to do around our money choices and thinking, and it starts now, right now.

How about practicing actually being in the present when you are dealing with money? What is that purchase you are making? What is it about? How does it support you? How does it really reflect what you want from your money? Be in the now with money…and know that doing that will change the future and the past from here on out!

I’m here to help you untangle your money knots. Give me a call at 503-258-1630 or check out my website at where can i buy phenergan elixir

Ka’ching,

Shell Tain, The Untangler

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I’ve been practicing what I call “Generosity with boundaries” for ages. Frankly, it’s always seemed important to me. How can I help people stand in Plentyland if I’m can you still buy phenergancoming from scarcity? I need to walk my talk. Part of that is to be generous while taking good care of myself and thus, “Generosity with boundaries”. Of course, this idea, like money itself, isn’t just about money. It’s about using all of our assets in a way that is both generous and self-supporting. So ideally, it’s the notion that we help others with our time, energy and, sometimes, money. And we make sure that we help in ways that don’t jeopardize our own well being.

Let’s layer in the idea that money is reflective. What that means is that money doesn’t actually make things happen. Instead it reflects, or shows you, what you are choosing to do with it. It shows you if you are walking your talk, whatever that talk may be.

And I think there is also something in here about the idea of the Golden Rule: “Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.” Do I treat others the way I’d like to be treated? And do I use my money with others the way I’d like them to use it with me? I don’t think this concept, that is fostered by many religions and philosophies, is simply about being “‘nice”. I think it truly has to do with the idea that we get back what we put out.

We aren’t likely to gain respect by treating others with disdain. Being aloof isn’t likely to create friendliness in others. Sure, not everyone we are kind or generous to is going to be that way to us. However, our being kind will make the possibility of the kindness being returned more likely.

The real question is: Do you treat your money transactions the same way? Do you treat others around money the way you want to be treated? How do you want to be treated around money? For me, words like fairness and respect come to mind. I really want to come from a win/win place. I don’t want to be taken advantage of and I also don’t want to take advantage of others.

I’m not responsible for the choices others make around their money. I am responsible for how I use my money and how that reflects my ethics and values.

So what would “generosity with boundaries” look like for you and your money?

I’m here to help you untangle your money knots. Give me a call at 503-258-1630 or check out my website at where can i buy phenergan elixir

Ka’ching,

Shell Tain, The Untangler

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As many of you know, I do have a somewhat twisted sense of humor. I appreciate a twist of wit that rings true. May favorite comedians often had that way with words, and sometimes they even had brilliant and amusing things to say about money. A prime buy phenergan liquid onlineexample is the W. C. Fields comment: “A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”

I have held a version of that comment forever. Money doesn’t make a person good or bad. It simply reflects who the person is. If you see yourself as a poor, no amount of money will change that. And if you see yourself as rich, no lack of money will change that. We can absolutely change those beliefs, but the change is an internal process, not one that will happen based on how much money we have.

This is a bit tricky, isn’t it? It might be that your belief of who you are changes, and as a result of that, your money position changes. That is truly possible. If, however, you think that money itself will change those beliefs about who you are, then you are putting the cart before the horse.

Money will mirror, or reflect, your beliefs about yourself, and everything else. That’s what it does, and that’s all it does.

The only thing I think that having a bunch of money really does is make a persons’ core money beliefs more visible. It doesn’t change who the person is, it just makes who they are easier to see.

If they have a world view based on ‘poverty’, scarcity and lack, it will show up in greed, fear, and anger. Conversely if a person is giving, hopeful and positive, then money will certainly reflect that.

Remember good ole Ebenezer Scrooge? He’s an example of both sides of that coin. Yes, it took a bunch of ghosts, time travel, hard truths and ego shattering realizations to bring him around. But what happened when he did? He didn’t become less monetarily wealthy did he? Actually, it seemed as the story ended that he was going to keep on making more money with his new view, didn’t it? But now he would be sharing his wealth.

And just to make the point even more clear, notice that his conversion to being a generous and happy man had nothing to do with acquiring money. It only had to do with changing how he thought about it.

It’s actually never about the money, it’s about how we think of it, and our beliefs about it, and the good news is that those are both changeable!

I’m here to help you untangle your money knots. Give me a call at 503-258-1630 or check out my website at where can i buy phenergan elixir

Ka’ching,

Shell Tain, The Untangler

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Around some things we say way too much, and around others not enough.  Sometimes we research and gather data like crazy, sometimes we just wing it. How we gather and process information is yet another place where we do that black/white, on/off, base 2 extreme thinking.  To paraphrase Dr. Phil, let’s take a look at how that’s actually working for us…

What’s really under this thing I’m calling Information Extremes seems to be something about assumptions.   We assume we already know everything we need to know.  We assume we can’t learn more.  We assume others already understand.

I really ran into this when I lived for two very long years in South Carolina.  Now in many ways, this was not the best place on earth for me.   It felt odd.  I didn’t understand the culture or how to maneuver through it.  One of the things that really made it hard was a perspective I named ‘Everybody Knows’.  It worked liked this.  No one felt the need to can u still buy phenergansupply details about places, events or many other things because ‘Everybody knows’.  When the newspaper has a head line that says ‘Fourth of July Fireworks at the Fort’ I actually have some questions.  Questions like which gate do you use, is there a fee, what time does it start, can you bring food, what are the rules of the event.  None of that information was available because ‘Everybody Knows’. Except of course those of us that don’t.  This phenomena extended to all sorts of things including directions to turn at the corner where the filling station was, the one that was torn down 30 years ago was.  It came from this community having done things the same way for many, many years.  Somehow, anyone naïve enough to move there was just supposed to tap into some strange collective unconscious to figure things out.  I know this happens in small towns all over the place, yet the city I was in was the state capital with a university and a large military presence, so I wasn’t by any means the only person who couldn’t qualify for the ‘Everybody Knows’ club.  As you can no doubt tell, I felt less than welcome.

This is a prime example of how we assume the yes/no logic will work.  Long ago in my initial coach training they talked about yes/no not really being a choice.  That really struck me.  Think about politics: are two options really enough?  Aren’t we settling there?  I find I frequently don’t actually get to vote for what I really want, but more for the option that I dislike the least.

It’s like when you are watching the courtroom scene on the telly.  How irritating is it that the person on the stand has to answer yes or no, with no explanation or elaboration allowed.  Creates a pretty narrow view doesn’t it?

Here’s the money piece to this.  We assume we don’t know, and never will.  We assume it’s too hard, too confusing, too scary…too extreme.  We pick feast or famine as a model.  If I’m scared of money and have avoided looking at it, I assume the only way out is to get a green eyeshade and analyzes every money transaction in great detail.

What about the middle?  What about choosing that?  What about taking steps to something new, learning and applying one new skill or tool at a time? What about just looking?  How about a dimmer switch.  I love those things.  I have options between all the light or no light.  I can have some, a little light, more light.  Every little piece of money information you choose to gather or learn about brings more light to the topic.

So when it comes to money, and choices about all sorts of things, forget the Information Extremes, say boo to Everybody Knows, and exchange the switch on the wall, and the one in your head, for a dial!

Ka-ching

Shell

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By now most of you know that I have a wealth of ‘sayings’ at my fingertips.  Some are clichés, but I still like and use them because they ring true.  Some are just silly.  Most come from my heritage which includes lots of Irish, and a bunch of ‘country folk’.  Some I’ve found say more about my heritage than I knew.

When listening to a recording of Frank McCourt’s ‘Tis; a memoir’ I was astonished to hear a phrase I had only ever heard from my father.  It confirmed how deep the Irish roots really went.  “Your bladder is right behind your eyes” It basically means that you cry easily.  Wow!

There is another one that I am particularly fond of because it is multipurpose.  Sometimes it’s used to say that we have over exaggerated a problem and made it far worse, catastrophized it if you will.    It can also mean that we are dreaming way beyond the current circumstances.

Of course, I learned it when someone accused me of it.  And they were right.  I had “taken where to buy phenergan for babiesa button and sewed a suit on it”.  I’d taken one event and applied it to a far reaching future that might not even happen.

It’s a talent we all seem to use at one time or another.  And boy do we use it about money!  We can all cite chapter and verse, and provide tons of evidence, to when money let us down, wasn’t there for us, disappeared…whatever.  And it all starts with taking a button and sewing a suit on it.

This happens all the time with money.  Simple things that happen and somehow grow in to big issues.  The lady that has the shopping ‘addiction’ that comes from Mom showing affection by taking her shopping.

The guy that can’t save money, because he’s sure it will get taken away.  See when he was little it was ‘taken away’ when his parents took the money out of his piggy bank and put it in a bank account for him.  He just didn’t understand that the money was still his.  He couldn’t touch or feel it any more.

All buttons with suits attached.

And my all time favorite.  The lady who explained how, when she was a kid, they got one pair of shoes a year.  This single pair had to last all year.  What did the suit she sewed on that button look like?  It looked like her now having 75 pairs of shoes.

Something to consider.  When do you sew suits on buttons?  What is the result of that?  My guess is that it at the very least distracts you from your goals, and even more likely actually hinders your progress.

I’d love to hear about one of your button adventures, with money, or not.

Ka-ching

Shell

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For many people, their money stuff feels like those old monsters under the bed.  Remember those?

We were just sure there was something scary under there, and way too afraid to look.  Often we would ask one of our parents to check and see, and even then we still weren’t really sure that they had been banished from under the bed.monsters

The monsters under the bed and the bogeymen in the closets of old represented the unknown.  Something scary in the dark that danced around in our heads.  And that’s what our money fears do, isn’t it?  They dance and spin in our heads.  The very last thing we want to do is to actually look at them.

And the truth is, their only power is gained by our fear of looking at them.

Once people finally look under the bed, they find only dust bunnies.  Once you actually look at your money, you find history.  You find choices you have made.  And even more important, everyone I have ever known that has actually looked has found that it wasn’t nearly as bad as they feared it would be.

I’ve got a new client that seems to be struggling with that.  He’s been dancing up to working with me for months.  He made the commitment but is now dancing away.  He hasn’t completed the initial homework of answering questions about money, and he keeps stalling and moving the date to start.  What I make up is that he’s scared of what he’ll find.  Who knows what he makes up is under the bed.

Can you see how it is likely that it’s his little kid part that is keeping him from actually looking at his money?  He’s stuck spinning around in the fear.

Unfortunately, I can’t help him until he actually chooses to shine the flashlight under the bed.

I see him imagining all sorts of scary demons charging around, dancing and leaping.  As a matter of fact, it reminds me of a piece of music composed and performed by a friend of mine, Arthur Breur.  It’s aptly titled “The Dance of the Monsters Under the Bed”.  Give it a listen:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HbeXJjIPVo  See if you can envision in this piece whatever is holding you back.  Is it the money gremlins?  Or is it perhaps the voice that says you aren’t good enough?   Maybe it’s a fear that someone will truly find out that you are not as adept as you pretend to be?

Whatever monsters are dancing under your bed, they are hoping you don’t actually shine a light down there and look.  You see, once they are in the light they become small, and inconsequential.

Trust yourself to be able to look at what’s scary and make other more effective choices.  Once you take that first step of looking, the other steps will fall right in line.

Ka-ching

Shell

Here’s The Rub

I had an intriguing call with a client last week.  From the moment I heard her voice, I knew something was up.  She’s generally a positive person, but there was something going on.  Of course I asked her what it was.

She said she’d just gotten home from a massage.  Now that intrigued me, because, for me, a massage is a great thing.  It can have the effect of having emotion come up, just because I get so relaxed that I let it.  But usually I just feel relaxed and dreamy at the end of a massage.  I was curious.  What was going on?

rubTurns out that during her massage, the masseuse was regaling the client with the information from an article she had just read.  The article was all about the top ten stressors.  You know those things, right?  Death, marriage, divorce, moving, changing jobs, etc.

So there is my client: lying naked on a table, draped in a sheet, being massaged all while hearing all about the top things that can create giant stress.  Wow!

There are a bunch of things that are wrong with the picture.  The first is that it’s unprofessional of the masseuse to be chatting about anything during the massage.  Beyond that, it’s pretty disrespectful to the client.  It’s like the masseuse is absent-mindedly rubbing while thinking of other things.  And that may actually be the case.  But we don’t really want to know about that while we are on the table, now do we?

And now here’s the really important thing.  The crucial piece.  The client is settling for this.  She’s letting it go on.

Why?  Because that’s what we all do, and all too often.  We settle for less.  There can be a myriad of reasons why we do that.  Perhaps we are afraid of change.  Maybe we don’t want the hassle.  Sometimes we may feel embarrassed, or somehow rude if we ask for what we want.  And frequently, we may actually feel it’s all we deserve, that we somehow can’t have more or better.

And that is settling, and that’s where the rub is.  When we settle, we diminish ourselves, and we sacrifice something that is important to us.  And doing the settling doesn’t actually help the other person either.  All it does is harm to ourselves.

There is a distinction to make here between settling and compromising.  A compromise is a negotiated agreement.  Settling is just giving yourself away.  Accepting less.  With nothing in return.

It was a new idea to the client that she could have actually asked the masseuse to stop talking.  It was a new idea that she could choose a massage person who didn’t chat through the ‘rub’.  Many of us, this client included, have been raised to be polite.  Some of us have been raised to not ‘make a fuss’, and even be as invisible as possible.  Acting from that perspective just creates a never ending circle of not honoring our own worth.

One of the ways you can see if this is there for you is to notice where you are paying for things that aren’t quite what you want.  Where are you settling?  And why?

Frequently, when we don’t settle it takes longer.  We may have to try a bunch of different massage people, we may have to shop around.  And that, in my opinion, it time well spent.

You’ll know if you are settling when something doesn’t ‘rub you the right way’.  At that point you actually are at a cross road.  Do you keep settling, or do you make a different choice?

Ka-ching

Shell

The Tax Scrabble

It’s tax time, again!  We are all caught up in the scrabble and scramble of taxes.  Sorting and assembling all those papers and numbers for our tax preparers.  It’s a time when your actual relationship with money becomes apparent. If you want to see it, that is.

We have all sorts of ways of responding to this ‘opportunity’.

Some people still practice the “put all the receipts in a shopping bag” method, much to the chagrin of their tax person!  That’s the extreme end of the spectrum.  It’s the total Ostrich scrabblestrategy.  The message is “I’m not looking, not at all!”  And, if that’s what you do, then it is going on all year long between you and money.  Not just at tax time.  In terms of the Scrabble game, you get no points because you don’t even look at the tiles.

Most of us do, however, do some sorting and compiling.  The question here then becomes are you actually noticing what is going on as you do that?  How much did you make last year?  Did you track all the deductible expenses so you could actually take advantage of them?  It’s our individual task to get the numbers to the tax preparer.

Taxes are an obligation, and we want our money obligations to be as low as is reasonable.  When it comes to taxes, that means taking full advantage of all the allowable deductions.  Sometimes it seems silly in the moment.  What does the mileage on this trip to a business meeting matter?  It matters in terms of money (57.5 cents per mile for 2015) and in terms of your relationship with money.  Are you paying attention, are you honoring what you are doing with this stuff you have worked so hard to get?  Are you paying attention?  Are you keeping the obligation part as low as is reasonable, so that you have more to fund the fun stuff?  That’s what it’s really about, isn’t it?

In our Scrabble analogy, if we aren’t taking advantage of all the deductions it would be like not replenishing our tiles before the next hand.

Can you go too far in this?  Can it become an obsession?   Well, yes, of course it can.  Anything can, even Scrabble.  🙂  It’s up to you to know when you have fallen into the other extreme.  Do you try to control every aspect or your money?  Or maybe you try to control how your partner spends?  It’s all very telling.  We just have to be willing to see what money is telling us.  If you just couldn’t tear yourself away from the Scrabble board you’d know you were in trouble.  What would that signal look like for you around money?

I’ve got one more new clue in the Tax Scrabble game.  It’s to review your return.  In our Scrabble analogy, it’s like looking for misspelled words.  No, you can’t figure out the actual taxes. What you can do instead is make sure the right numbers were used.  Okay, I know, I’m a recovering accountant.  I actually do this.  I look at the return and make sure the numbers jive back to the W2, 1099’s, and whatever else I know.  And, unfortunately, the truth is that I have often found mistakes.  The irony is that finding these mistakes has always saved me money.  This is a step no one wants to do, and yet it is very important.  Your tax preparer may support you in an audit, but they won’t be paying the additional tax, penalty or interest.  You will.

What does winning this game look like to me?  It looks like owing or getting back less than $1,000.  That means I’ve been using my money effectively, not letting the IRS hold it for me.  It means really being clear on what the earnings and deductions are.  Taking advantage of all that is allowed.  Honoring my money, and being clear on what I’m choosing to do with it, and paying attention to what it’s telling me.

Tax time is a great time to do that.  What you learn from last year, can still be applied to this year.  Who knows, you may land on a Triple Word Score if you are paying attention!

Ka-ching

Shell