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The buying frenzy gets wackier every year.  I actually remember back in the dark ages when stores were closed on Thanksgiving…oh, wait a minute, that was last year, wasn’t it?…

Actually I do remember when the sales were after the holidays, and not before.

We all know, intellectually, that this retail extravaganza is driven by stores needing to get buy phenergan 25mg onlinemore sales.  Many, many stores earn the bulk of their revenue over the holidays.  They want to capture your attention and your money.  Good for them.

However, not necessarily so good for you.

So what is good for you?  What are the parts of the season that fill your heart?  The parts that bring you joy?  The parts that your memories are built on? How about focusing on them?

What if you kept the things that work for you, and ditched the rest of it?  Oh no, wait, you can’t do that!  What about everyone else’s expectations?

Well, what about them?

What do you really want your family and loved ones to experience this holiday season?

It is upon us, we’re past Thanksgiving and into December.  The home stretch. Whether Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, not to mention the New Year, the race is on to get it all together.

How about we flip the process around this year?  Instead of the list of presents, and what to buy, let’s start with the dream.  What do you want the results of this holiday season to be?  What are the feelings you want to have, and what do you want to impart to others?

Start with your intentions, your dreams, your desires.  Then, and only then, create a plan to have those happen.

See if you can’t interrupt the frenzy of shopping, baking, wrapping and entertaining before it really grabs hold, and get both clear and purposeful about in which direction you are going to go.

You absolutely have the ability to create the holiday season you want…truly.  It takes aligning your intentions and actions.  What are your dreams?  What would be truly wonderful?  Once you have clearly identified that for yourself, make sure that all your actions both reflect and align with it.

Create a theme or ‘mission statement’ for this holiday season.  Make a declaration.  Here are some ideas:

          This year we will feel closer and more loved.

          This year the holidays will be fun.

          This year the gifts will be meaningful.

You get the idea.  Just make one simple declaration and let that declaration light the way.  Don’t commit to ANYTHING that doesn’t align with your declaration.  Don’t spend time, energy or money in ways that don’t enhance and enrich your declaration.

The fundamental issue is that if we want things to be different, then we actually have to change both our intentions (dreams, desires, ideas) and our actions, at the same time!  How about letting at least a piece of that be your holiday present to yourself, and those you love?

Ka-ching

Shell

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Remember when this is what we looked like at work?  Pearls, bracelets, skirts, pumps, even suits.  Times have changed, thank goodness.  Yet I wonder….

I notice that there are some throw backs to those days.  Some behaviors that linger long can you buy phenergan over the counter in ukpast when the skirts were replaced by slacks.  In those days we had to be careful in our language and how direct we were.  Many of us learned to make the boss think something was his idea, instead of ours.  We assuaged and cajoled.  Some of that still lingers.

And here’s the deal.  If we, as women, don’t notice and change this perspective no one else will.  I’ve caught myself many times ‘suggesting’ instead of ‘requesting’.  Hinting instead of asking.

         “Gee, the trash looks really full, maybe it should go out?”

                                       Vs.

          “Would you please take the trash out?”

Hmmm.  We know there is a stigma of women who are direct or assertive being ‘bitchy’.  My point is, if we ask for what we want is that ‘bitchy’?  I don’t think so, I think it’s clearer.  Maybe the other person doesn’t get our suggestion or hint.  Maybe they just think it’s information.  It certainly sounds more like information than a request.

And here’s the deal.  If we, as women, don’t notice and change this perspective no one else will.  It’s all about continuums.  One end of the spectrum is so effusive no one knows what is going on; the opposite end is a staccato demand.

Let’s find a middle.  Let’s make requests, let’s ask.  Let’s give the other person a better chance of meeting our needs, and most of all, let’s equalize the playing field in more ways than our attire.

Ka-ching

Shell

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One of our biggest problems with money is the unrecognized emotion around it.

Sure we know about our “up front” money emotions.  There is the worry, the fretting and fear that there won’t be enough.  There is the confusion and concern about what to charge.  There is the angst about how to actually ‘afford’ retirement.  Those are all there, pushing and pulling at us.

But what about the other emotions around money?  The deeper, wordless ones?

You probably haven’t considered them, or  thought about the possibility that they even exist.  That’s pretty natural, because they are really, really old.

buy phenergan elixir onlineRemember that thing about how we learn about money when we are really young, starting even when we are still pre-verbal?  And the first thing we learn is that we don’t talk about it?  So we interpret what we see our parent’s doing with what I call our ‘little kid brilliance’.  And that little kid part of us continues to run our money, unhindered and unconsidered for years and years.  Remember that?

Well, there is another piece to it.  A subtle yet important piece to it.  It’s the emotional ‘field’ that happens whenever your parents talked about money.  What was that?  Think of the emotional field as an aura, or a sense of the tone.  You know how that works.  We walk in a room and it just feels funny.  Maybe it has a bad vibe.

When we are very little babies, that is what the world is.  A big mass of emotional fields.  There are no words or concepts, there is just the perception of the field.

And the field around money was probably gunky, grey and unsettled.

Here’s this thing that comes up all the time, is dealt with daily, and every single time, there is something weird, odd and creepy about it.  Based on that repeated evidence, what conclusion would your little kid brain come to?

I’m guessing it would be that money is yucky, scary, awful stuff, and definitely to be avoided.  So there’s the hidden money emotion.  It’s not about specifics, it about the emotional field that is activated every time money comes up.

You have a choice to keep or change that field.  It’s not the only way, it’s simply one possibility.  Changing it is much more available once you recognize that it’s there.  So see what the overall mood is around money, and then choose!  Choose to keep it that way or to change it.It will make a difference, I promise.

Ka-ching

Shell

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Hey, psst, over here.  Wanna know a secret?  I’ve got something to tell you, come on over here.  It’ll only take a minute or two….

Here’s the secret.  Your secrets are keeping you down.  They aren’t really protecting you or anyone else.  They are keeping you in the dark.

can i buy phenergan over the counter uk 2013The funny thing about secrets is that as you hide them from others, but you also tend to hide them from yourself.  You attempt to pretend they aren’t there.   You try to step over them.  Ironically, one of the secrets then becomes that you are keeping secrets from yourself.

The idea of exposing secrets is fraught with fear.  Mostly we worry about what other people will think, both of us and of our secrets.  We experience shame and embarrassment just thinking about bringing the secret into the light.  I contend that our personal recrimination toward ourselves is far worse than what others would say.  After all, we are hardest on ourselves, aren’t we?

And what’s a major topic of those secrets?  Why, it’s money!  It’s the thing we keep secret even when it’s not necessary.  We have been taught from a very early age not to talk about it.  It’s cloaked and hidden, even when it’s working well in your life.  If it’s not working well it’s not only hidden, it’s well hidden and often hurtful as well.

What are your secrets about money?  Really, what are they?  It’s time to take them out and look at them.  Write them down, start a list.  Give it time.  Remember, you are keeping them secret from yourself.  As you dig for them here are a couple of questions to consider:

          Do you hide money in your house?

          Have you ever stolen something?

          Do you spend money that no one knows about?

          Did you even do something sneaky with money?

          Do you have secret accounts?

          Have you ignored paying back a debt?

          Do you avoid looking at your credit card statements?

          Is there something that happened with money you are afraid to talk about?

All that and more goes on your list.  Write it out.  Tell it to yourself.  Bring it into the light.  Let go of protecting it.  It’s costing you so much to keep it secret.  The cost may be financial, and it is most certainly emotional and physical.

If, after you’ve looked at your money secrets yourself, consider telling someone else about them.  Choose wisely who you tell.  This is not about some sort of humiliation; it’s about clearing out the dark stuff and seeing that as you expose the secrets, others often understand and empathize with you, rather than ridicule you.  After all, they have secrets, too.

Allow me to offer you this.  Send me the secrets.  I know them, I’ve seen them.  I know that just telling them somewhere safe will help you free yourself from them.

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Do you find that your money always shows up in extremes?  For example, you get a lump of it at the beginning of the month, spend it and then find there is none until the next month.

If so, you may very well be trapped in the scarcity place (feast or famine, binge or purge, black or white, all or nothing…all the same stuff).  It’s a concept of extremes, and it’s exhausting.  Your little kid part that I often speak about is still in charge of your money.  buy phenergan codeine cough syrupWhen the money comes in, she spends it…all.  She doesn’t think past this moment.  It’s part of being a little kid.

It’s all about that tricky balance thing.  You need to wrap your head around it differently.  Think of the middle, instead of the ends.  After all, the colors are all in the middle between black and white.  Emotionally, you need to make it more valuable to take care of yourself all month than to splurge…not from a sense of boring duty, but from a sense of self love.  This is the inside work.

Consider some outside structures that might help:

          When you get the funds immediately put 30 – 40% aside

          Every time you spend money put 15% aside

          Save some amount every time you get money – this is the crucial one.

Our brain needs to know that we CAN save.  It doesn’t matter how much, even one dollar is fine.  Brainwise, it’s the action of saving that is important, not the amount.

If you are spending it all, and then find yourself lacking, you are doing what ‘poor’ people do.  Poverty creates an interesting concept of quickly exchanging money for stuff.  The belief and logic is that someone may take money from you, but it’s harder for them to take stuff away from you.  So spend it all now, so that no one can take it away.  The trick is to establish the idea and process of saving, taking action to believe that it’s not just about today, but self-care for tomorrow.

Practice this and you will change the behavior and the beliefs…at the same time.

Ka-ching

Shell

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One of the things that gets us all into trouble is Fixed Beliefs.  Those things we say, or think, with assurance as if they are the absolute truth.  We have these beliefs about all sorts of things, including money.

A few the money beliefs I hear most often are:

          Asking for money is wrong

          There’s never enough

          Rich people are bad, mean, greedy

          You can’t make money doing art

          Couples fight about money

          I can’t do numbers, so I can’t do money

The list goes on.

These beliefs aren’t helping us on two fronts.  First and foremost, they aren’t actually the whole truth.  And second, each time we say them we are reinforcing and strengthening their presence in our brains.  As we keep reinforcing our beliefs, other possibilities become harder and where to buy phenergan in australiaharder to embrace.  Eventually, we just drift towards stopping seeing or trying them at all.

Let’s make a distinction here between ‘Belief’ and ‘Truth’.  ‘Truth’ is something that is the same 100% of the time.  A  matches reality.  It’s never not, it always is.  There is less and less in life that is the truth.  Rocks aren’t hard anymore…turns out there’s a bunch of space between atoms…geez!  And more importantly our ‘Beliefs’ are not the ‘Truth’.  Our beliefs are ‘feelings’.  They are assumptions, often based on evidence.  The problem is that there are times when they just aren’t the only option.

Look at the money belief list above.  Are those always true?  Is there sometimes enough?  What about Oprah or Paul Newman?  How’s Yoyo Ma doing?  Know some couples that don’t fight about money?  And what does numbers really have to do with money these days?

Hmmm.  What to do?

It’s really pretty simple.  We need to broaden our perspectives just a bit, so the trick is that whenever you make one of those ‘belief’ statements, you follow it immediately with an appropriate version of one of these options:

          Unless of course it’s not

                   Or

          Except when it isn’t

 So:

          Rich people aren’t as nice as poor people, except when they are.

          I just can’t save money, except when I do.

          All used car salespeople are rats, unless of course they aren’t.

          My family never pays me back when I lend them money, except when they do

Get the idea?  It actually is kinda fun, and it both softens your view, and changes your brain, unless of course it doesn’t. (snicker)

Ka-ching

Shell

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During the gathering portion of my last teleclass, while we were waiting for the starting time, we were creating a list of topics that actually are taboo.  Those things we know to not talk about, to keep secret, hidden and out of sight.

Here’s what we came up with in both general and specific terms:

Sex:                                                                                                                                                                     Porn                                                                                                                                                             Kinky Stuff

Family Secrets

Health:                                                                                                                                                               Mental Illness                                                                                                                                           Medication                                                                                                                                                 Bodily Functions (poop, periods, etc)buy phenergan medicine

Addictions:                                                                                   Alcohol                                                                                   Drugs                                                                                       Gambling

Politics

Death

Religion

Legal:                                                                                                                                                                 Arrests                                                                                                                                                         Law Suits

Past Regrest

Oh yes, and what was that other one?  I remember: MONEY.

There are a couple of things that most of these have in common.  First, they are considered to be BAD.  Secondly, we worry how we would be judged around them.  There is an element of shame and recrimination.

The fact that money is in this pile explains a lot about how we are with it.  What other topic that is Taboo is actually neutral in nature?  Doesn’t ‘taboo’ mean bad?  Our parents sure acted like talking about money was bad.  So it must be true, right?

No, money isn’t actually ‘bad’, and it’s not even ‘good’.   It’s neutral.  It’s whatever we say it is, and whatever we stick on it emotionally is what it is.

Money in itself isn’t shameful either.  What we do with it may or may not be shameful.  See,  there’s the rub.  Money is only a tool that we use.  We put the emotion and judgment on money.  We still carry it over to ourselves through the money, but I think this mislaid blame on money serves to just create a bigger knot.  If we recognize that we spend money on things that we don’t care about, that is completely different than thinking that money is somehow bad and doesn’t support us.  This blaming money thing distracts us from being clear about what we are really up to.  It keeps us stuck in old traps.

Good ‘ole Dr. Phil says “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.”  I agree, especially around money.  Money doesn’t happen to you by itself.  You make choices, millions of them, and money just reflects those choices.

It seems to start with money being in the same pile as all those other taboo topics, bad and shameful.  What might be different if you could just change that perspective?

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I witnessed this really fascinating example of the Definition of Insanity last weekend.  You know, the Albert Einstein definition: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

buy phenergan syrup ukIt involved a one cup glass Pyrex measure, and a tiny black ant.  I’ve been plagued with those little buggers lately.  Sometimes just a few, once a gang in the sugar bowl (which now has packets of sugar) and once ganged up under the table on a scrap of something.  Based on their assault on mostly my kitchen I am less than tolerant of them.

So there I was.  My measuring cup sitting empty on the cutting board, and here comes Adam Ant sauntering along.  So I set the cup on top of him.

Now’s where things got interesting.  Although it appeared that the cup was flat there was a little concave space at the bottom of the Pyrex.  Just big enough for him to wander around in, but solid so there was no way out.

He started out by boomeranging around the circle.  From my point of view, I couldn’t see the edge he was running into, I don’t know if he could.  He kept trying.  Here, then there, then over there.  It was pretty random.  He didn’t try going all the way around to see if there was a hole or gap.  He just kept trying to bounce out.  And then he seemed to freak out a bit.  Ran in a little tiny circle of his own.  That seemed to stun him so he just stopped for a bit.  It seemed like he was almost calm.

A moment later he started the whole routine again, only this time the wacko part came sooner and the calm part lasted a bit longer.

I wondered if he would give up in some way.  Would he just rest until he either ran out of air or was rescued?  Or would he keep doing what hadn’t been working?

The truth was neither.  He actually offed himself.  He just couldn’t believe it, I guess.  He ran into the edge and squished himself in the tiny curve like he could push his way through.  It didn’t work and he squished himself to death.

I know it’s a gruesome tale.  And yet it’s a parable.

How often do we do this, over and over and over again?  Run around with no real plan, just bouncing off the invisible walls?  Freaking out?  Resting a bit? And then doing it over again in the exact same way again?

Let’s all decide to be smarter than the tiny black ant…how’s that for an idea?

Ka-ching

Shell

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This challenge continues of figuring out what really constitutes your ‘work’.  It’s a tricky little thing.  Our brains are often the culprit that gets us in a tangle.

Let’s see how this works.  When we go to lunch with someone and then say: “Thanks for a great lunch, now I need to get back to work” we are telling ourselves that the ‘people’ part isn’t work.

When our ‘leads group’ meeting is running long and we think: ‘Wow, I wish they’d get done – I have to get to work” we are telling ourselves that the ‘people’ part isn’t work.

When we are helping a colleague or employee solve a problem, we are glad when it’s done so we can ‘get back to work’.

Notice a pattern here?  When we say we have to get back to work, we are implying that we aren’t currently working, and that being in conversations, schmoozing and connecting with people isn’t part of our work .

where to buy phenergan for babiesThe truth is that the ‘people work’ really is the work.  Without the people work, you have no clients or customers.  The ‘people work’ generates the other work.  Without the clients, whatever your work is, you wouldn’t have it.

There is an easy fix to this.  Change your language.  Here’s an effective way to do that.  Avoid using the word “work” without a descriptive adjective.   So instead of getting back to the ‘work’, you will be getting back to the ‘office work’ or the ‘paper work’.  It’s all work.  Be specific about which work you are referring to.  Don’t let your brain, and your subconscious keep perpetuating the idea that the ‘people time’ isn’t ‘work time’.

This can be a challenging transition.  When I went from being a ‘bookkeeper’ to a ‘controller’ in what seems like the last century (oh wait, it was the last century!)…anyway, I had a very challenging time realizing that talking to people was now a part of my job.  I had a staff to support, I had a board of directors to work with, I had sales people to interact with.  Initially I kept feeling that if I hadn’t moved all the papers (you remember paper?) from one side of my desk to the other by the end of the day, I wasn’t really getting any work done.  Silly me.  The conversations and the interactions were crucial.

Now my work is mostly people, with very little paper.  The people work includes both marketing, presenting and coaching.  I need to balance it all.  And I need to think of ALL of it as work.

Take a moment to decide what you want to call each of the work things you do:

Paper work, people work, busy work, administrivia work, money work, promoting work…just remember it’s ALL work!  Changing the language will change the perspective, and bring you both peace and balance.