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Apparently, the mystery as a genre for literature and, by extension film, has been around for only about 200 years.  Prior to then, police weren’t really trying to solve crimes.  Seems odd doesn’t it?   We are used to finding answers.  We want to know how it happen, what caused it, and who did it, don’t we?

Before there were “mysteries” there were other stories that had something to discover, solve or bring to resolution.

The point is, as humans, we don’t really like being left in the dark.  We want things to be explained, to make sense.  We want to know.

Think of all those questions kids ask.  For example, as Bill Cosby said: “Why is there air?”

Personally, I think one of the things that we learn to accept as we ‘mature’ is that some things will never actually be revealed to us.  In spite of Facebook, we may never know what happened to our best friend in 2nd grade.  We may never find out where the missing cat collar is.  We may never know what happened to Amelia Earhart.

We want to know, but mysteries, large and small, surround us.

buy phenergan tablets onlineIronically, most people think of money as a mysterious thing.  They don’t know where it goes, what happened to it, how it got so messed up.   It’s baffling.

Or is it?

Our favorite detectives use clues and forensics to solve their mysteries.  They gather evidence, make hypotheses and deductions, and come to conclusions.  For them, the issue is getting the evidence.  When it comes to money, that is actually a fairly simple piece.  The evidence is, as it often is in the TV mystery, found by following the money.  Or more precisely, actually looking at what the money is telling you.  Money has oodles of information to share with you…what you have to do is actually look at it.

If you choose to look, you can solve the mystery, understand the why, and change the pieces that aren’t working for you.  Money won’t judge you, or nag you, it will just tell you what you have chosen to do.  And if you don’t ‘ask’ then money won’t ‘tell’, and we all know how well that plan works in the long run.

You can ‘talk’ to your money by looking at your credit card statements, saving your receipts, noting what you are doing with it.  Think about it, your money could tell you when you were sick, when you feel sad, when you are happy, when you moved; all sorts of things.  If you look at how you spend it and how you make it, it will tell you what you are doing.  Part of solving your mystery may be discovering that the reason why you feel like money isn’t working for you is because you are spending it on things that you don’t really value or care about.

So ask money what’s going on, and solve the mystery!

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There is this really great assessment I like to use with clients – The Strengths Finder.  The test tells you what your top five strengths are.  Things like Focus, Positivity, and Harmony.  For most of us, when we take the test, our response is something like “Yeah, I know that.  That makes sense; those are my strengths.”  But I once had a client who said “I always thought those were my weaknesses!”

You know, I think there is a lot of truth in that.  Truth for most of us.  Our strengths are can you still buy phenergan over the counterthe seat of our weaknesses.  They both serve and hinder us.

It’s a wondrous thing to relax into your strengths.  To own them and to lean on them in times of trouble.  It’s much more effective than to try to do what we are not good at.  They are the things that are easy and natural for us, and of course we want to use them.

Oddly, at least to me, many of us have been trained to avoid that which is easy and instead go for the hard stuff.  Not so clever is it?  Harder isn’t better, it’s just harder.

While they are wonderful,  our strengths can yet provide us with challenges. They can sometimes be in conflict with others.  Someone else, for example, may not appreciate your ability to be more adaptable than they are.   Your talents may limit your perspectives; you may have trouble seeing other options.    And frequently, in life, I find that something that was supposed to be awful, turns out to be quite good. Or often vice versa.

So who knows what is good and what is bad?  All we can do is our best.  And using our strengths as a natural resource is doing our best!

Do just that, use what is easy for you, what you do naturally.  You were given your particular strengths to use in your own unique way.  Go for it!

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How narrow is your definition of work?  As an entrepreneur, you’ll want to check out the answer to that question.  We all wear many hats, and yet there is a way in which we think can i buy phenergan at bootsthat only a few are actual work.  Make a list of ALL the things you do in your business.  Note which ones you currently consider the “work”.  How many are left over?

Long ago, in the 80’s, when I was a Controller/CFO I was faced with this question.  I initially felt that my job was to process paper.  To get things done, complete, finis.  To move the paper from the inbox to the out box.  To be productive.

And then I learned what my job really was.

Certainly, there was a time when processing paper was my job.  When I was the Accountant, my job was to crunch the numbers.  When I became a CFO I had a staff to manage, other departments to interface with, and many more broader roles than moving paper from one side of the desk to the other.  I had to discover (albeit the hard way) that my work was more about people and relationships than about crunching numbers.  It was more about making sure that all the tasks assigned to my department, not just the ones that were mine alone,  got done.

How do you define the work you do?  Think about it.  Recently, a client noticed that she had an idea about what was her work, and what wasn’t, that was really causing stress. She has several employees that need direction and support.  She has to both acquire and maintain her customers.  She has to do billing, and watch the money.  Oh, and she has to do the “work”.   Can you see the problem here?  She thinks that the “work” is the product she makes, and all the rest are just fiddly bits.  She feels like at the end of that day, if she hasn’t finished anything product-wise, that she hasn’t actually done any “work”.

Based on that idea, she’s always feeling behind, like she’s not doing what she “should” be doing.  The pile of unfinished “work” looms as she does all these extraneous tasks.  Or all the other tasks get put on the back burner as she does the “work”.

Here’s the rub…they are ALL the work.  It’s part of being an entrepreneur. You either wear all the hats, or you wear some and are responsible for all the hats being worn by someone else.  Even if you have someone else doing some task, it is ultimately your “work” to guide, watch and foster.  As your business grows, your “work” shifts from actually producing the product to making sure the product gets produced by others; from doing it to overseeing it being done.

This shift in your thinking, this understanding of what your work really is, will help you see the big picture.  It will help you see ways out of any overwhelm you might feel.  It will bring clarity…and that is always a good thing.

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You don’t actually need the Big Guns when you make collection calls.  What you need are good boundaries.

The first step to making a collection call is to get clear on what your role is, and what it isn’t.

Here are some of those things that collection calls are not about, but that people often think, or at least act like, they are:

It isn’t about making the person who hasn’t paid you feel bad about not having paid you.  They probably have done that all on their own.  Your pushing and poking around that will only make the situation worse.  They are likely to get defensive and/or angry.  And neither of those will help.  And the person is really more likely to avoid you, to avoid your calls and ultimately, to avoid paying you.

It isn’t about you trying to help them figure out how to pay you.  That is a definite Money Trap.  First, no matter what idea you have, it’s likely that they will find a way that it where can i buy phenergan in ukwon’t work.  All of a sudden you are in the awkward conversation that is frustrating and unproductive, and oh, by the way, completely off topic.  The true topic is they need to pay you, not how they are going to do it.  And that leads to the second problem with trying to help.  When you try to help, you take them away from making the commitment to pay.  It becomes your idea, not theirs.  They aren’t invested in it, and aren’t likely to actually follow through with it.

So what is the call about?  It’s about, to borrow a philosophy from the Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan, being “calm and assertive”.  What helps you get there?  Long ago, in the 80’s, I had a friend and colleague that used to wear her real pearl necklace on the days she had to do collections.  (To those of you who don’t remember the days when pearl necklaces where both cool and status, think of it as wearing the designer shoes of today!)  The pearls helped her feel calm and assertive.  They helped her set the tone.

With all that prep, let me give you the ‘skinny’.  There is only ONE thing you need to say when making a collection call:  “When can I expect payment?”  That’s it, just that.  If they start doing into the big long story of why they can’t pay,  how the dog ate the bill, their mother-in-law stole their money, or they were recently run over by a truck you say: “Wow, that’s really too bad.  When can I expect payment?”

You don’t engage in the figuring, you don’t offer solutions, you just stay calm and assertive, and you are consistent about it.  And then you wait for them to make a commitment.

If they say “I don’t know when I can pay you” you calmly say, “I need a commitment that you will keep”.   If they propose a payment plan, you can accept, reject or revise it.  Just don’t you propose it.  Maintain your boundaries.

So keep it calm, assertive and simple:  “When can I expect payment”.   Write it on your desktop, or your hand.  Use it.  It’s all you need.

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What is the signal that this little girl is sending us?  My guess is that she’s either trying to tell us that she needs a nap, or she’s had too much sugar!  She hasn’t said either one of where can i buy phenergan over the counterthose things, has she?  She’s just sending a signal.

It’s not a calm, rational signal; it’s a big raucous one.  She not only wants to get our attention, she wants to keep it!  She wants us to do something…NOW!

That is exactly what the inner critic voice in your head is doing.  Trying to get your attention.  It’s trying to distract you from what you are doing, and change your focus to it.

And the problem is that you let it.

You misinterpret what is going on.  Instead of listening to what the critic is saying, you need to just see it as a signal.  That’s the only thing that matters.  Just like our screaming little girl, what the critic is saying doesn’t matter.  The fact that it’s a signal is all the information you need.

And what does the critics’ signal communicate?  What is the equivalent of too much sugar or needing a nap?  The critics’ signal is this:  ‘YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT…and the critic doesn’t like it!’  The inner critic wants things to stay the same, the old status quo.

That’s it.  Just that.  It’s going on and on about what you should be doing, why you’ll never succeed, how wrong, stupid, whatever you are.   None, and I repeat, none, of that matters, or even warrants any attention.  All that matters is that you interpret the signal correctly, as a signal letting you know that you’ve rattled the critics’ cage by doing something out of the box.

And doing something different is EXACTLY what you want to do, isn’t it?  Isn’t that what growth, change and the pursuit of happiness is all about?

If you want a more effective life you’ll have to do it differently.  If you want something other that what you are getting you have to change what you are doing.

That’s all there is to it.  That voice in your head is a signal, nothing more.  And it’s a signal that is trying to distract you from making those changes, the changes you want and need to make.

So, bottom line, instead of listening to the critic rant at you, instead of giving it attention, recognize it for what it is, and tell it to take a nap!  You’ll feel better, be less stressed, and actually accomplish more!

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Does the negative self-talk in your head ever feel like this?  Scary isn’t it?  It’s designed buy injection phenerganto get your “fight or flight” response activated.  That response includes losing your peripheral vision, not being able to hear, and holding your breath.  Pretty distracting, isn’t it.

We all have two voices in our heads; the Inner Critic pictured here, and the Inner Wisdom.  It’s similar to the old cartoon representation of an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.

Everyone, yes everyone, has this going on, all the time.  One of the common themes I see is people being confused about which voice is which.  Which one should I listen to?  Which one has my best interest at heart?  How do I know?

The negative voice is there to keep you “in line”, keep you safe.  That sounds good, but the problem is that it defines “safe” as where you are right now.  It does NOT want you to change.  It does NOT want you to do something different.  If what you are hearing is telling you to do what you’ve always done, or maybe what you’ve always done only do it harder, it’s that Inner Critic.  Its job is to keep you where you are.  It’s technique for doing that is to keep you worried, anxious, fretful…in other words: DISTRACTED…so you won’t try something different.  It’s relentless.

The Inner Wisdom voice is more subtle.  It doesn’t judge and doesn’t yell.  The information it gives you just seems to “drop” into place.  It’s the voice of intuition, inner knowing, wisdom.  It’s those things you just somehow know to be true.

One of the problems here is that the Inner Wisdom needs relative calm and quiet to be heard.  That might be why it shows up so often in the shower!  It’s pretty peaceful in there in the hot water.  You do want to listen to this voice.  We want to create opportunities for it to communicate with us.  Long walks, yoga, running: peace, calmness. We all know that when we don’t listen to this voice we regret it later, don’t we?  We had an inkling, we had a feeling…we talked ourselves out of it, didn’t we?  And we wish we hadn’t.

So there’s the distinction.  It’s really simple, and yet oddly illusive.  The Critic always delivers it’s message with a “tone”, and “attitude”.  The Wisdom is always neutral in tone.  It just is.

It’s really that simple.  Wisdom may have a negative message to give us, but it will be delivered in a neutral tone.  Critic voice is never neutral.

The only trick is for you to remember the guideline.  Neutral vs charged tone.  You’ll be surprised at how clever your Inner Critic is at getting you to listen to it!

Let me know if you’d like more untangling of this…

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Do you think your porridge is the perfect temperature?  That’s what you are betting on when the very first thing you tell someone is how much you charge.

It happens to us all the time.  We meet someone and, right after they ask what we do, they ask what we charge.  Don’t answer that question at that time.  It’s a trap.  What they are unconsciously doing is distracting themselves from actually finding out about you and your services.  And you are helping them succeed at the distraction.

Once you answer the question of what you charge they are no longer present.  They are in that part of their brain that is analyzing what you just said.  And what they are thinking is most likely either: “Wow, that’s a lot!” or “Gee, that seems too cheap”.  The likelihood of your number being perfect “porridge” is pretty slim.  Remember, unless it is perfect, in their mind, you have lost their attention by giving them the number.

Instead, wait until you know more about them, and they know more about you, before you talk price.   Here’s how that works.  By all means, acknowledge the question. If you don’t, they will be wondering why you skipped over it, and again be somewhere else other than with you.  But instead of giving them the number, steer them back to talking about what they might find valuable in what you do.  It could sound something like this:  “I get that you are interested in knowing how much working with me would cost…and…before we go there, tell me more about you.  How might I be able to help you?”

Create rapport and relationship.  Present to them some positives, be they actions that could be taken or results that could be achieved, so that when and if the money part gets stated, there is a context for it.  They will have value to judge the number by. The money won’t be the only thing they are thinking of. They will also be aware of what the result of the expense will really be. The will see the value they get for their money.

That way they much more likely to want your porridge!

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A great friend of mine, Ken Witcher, once made the distinction that good customer service was about “managing client expectations”.  Notice I said “managing”, not “meeting”.

Managing expectations for clients, and holding to them, helps everyone know where the boundaries are.  If you don’t set expectations the way you want them, then you will make yourself crazy.  That’s because if you don’t set the expectation, you are stuck trying to meet your client’s expectations, and you often won’t even know what they are.

Think about it.  We get irritated with companies when our expectations aren’t met….unless they have set the expectation.  The easiest example of this is when we are stuck on hold listening to that crappy music while we wait for a customer service person.  If we are just there listening to the music and the “ads” being poured into our ear, we get increasingly impatient and irritated, don’t we?  However, if they tell us we are the 3rd caller, or that we can expect a 6 minute wait time, then we feel better, don’t we?  That’s because they managed our expectation.

What do you do to help manage your client’s expectations?  Here are some good places to make sure you tell them what to expect (both verbally and in writing):

· What the fees are

· Details of payment

o  When is it due

o  What forms of payment do you expect

· How long it will take to do the work

o  What is their part

§   For example: if they don’t give you everything you need to start, do they go to the back of the line?

o  How are changes handled

§   Timing

§   Charges

· What you will do, and what you won’t

Are you getting the idea?  Most of our hassles with clients can be at least calmed down, if not eliminated altogether, if we just manage their expectations. 


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Almost all my clients are entrepreneurs who provide a service to their clients.   One of the challenges that comes with that territory is holding an appropriate distance between your client and yourself.  It’s a boundary thing.

We all want friends.  We also want to be warm and inviting in our business dealings.  I agree.  And we want to be respected, paid on time, and not taken advantage of in our business.  How do we balance that? How do we draw that line?

It’s a tricky thing.

One thing I do know is that it’s up to you (the entrepreneur) to set the tone.  You have to figure out when to be friendly and when to be business like.  The client will go as far as you let them.

It certainly depends on what kind of work you are doing with people. There is a boundary around combining business and friendship that is different when it’s between you and your client than if it’s between you and your co-workers.

The positions are more alike between co-workers.  The person in the next cube or office isn’t paying you to provide a service.  Your customers are, however, and they will take your lead as to how far they can go.

Think back.  If you’ve ever had problems with this, what happened that got you in trouble?  Did you bend your rules for the client?  Did you let them too far into your life?  Did you mistake the nature of the relationship? Did you not really have boundaries to begin with?  Perhaps they weren’t clear.

You can always be cordial with clients.  You can even go beyond that Southern thing of being “polite, but not friendly”, and you need to set the boundaries. No one else will do it for you.

I’ll have some insights on ways to do that in next weeks post…how’s that?