Signs Of A Dysfunctional Family

Okay, so we all probably come from a dysfunctional family.  I get it.  There may be people who have perfection in that area, and if that’s true the numbers are slim, and I don’t actually know any of them.  The important thing is just how dysfunctional was your family, and how are you coping with and recovering from that? And what does Dysfunction really mean?

Earlier this year I ran across a blog post by Marriage anddysfunction Sex Therapist, Todd Creager .  He had a video post on the 7 signs of dysfunction, and with his permission, I’ll share a bunch of it with you.

The most important thing he said, the thing that really drew me in was: Dysfunction means you come from a family where you are afraid to be your true self. Wow!  There it is in a nut shell, plain, simple and true.

Let’s look at the 7 signs:

1. You have a hard time figuring out what you want.

2. You feel guilty a lot, your feelings of guilt lasts longer than 10 seconds

3. You end up in non-reciprocating relationships

4. Too much or not enough conflict in your intimate relationships

5. You are really hard on yourself.  Your inner critic never lets you be!

6. You have a hard time relaxing.

7. If you are a parent you are extreme.  You either run the family like a “boot camp” or are far to laissez faire in your parenting.

(to see and hear the entire video go to http://toddcreager.com/7-signs-you-came-from-a-dysfunctional-family/)

Pretty interesting isn’t it?  I know my score is pretty high.  I’ve been working on this stuff for years.  I’ve shifted a bunch of it, and am still a “work in progress”.  The thing I love about this test is that it’s not only approachable but has that sense of practicality.  I heard it and thought…”oh yes, I see that.”  Some of the things I never had really tied back to the family experience, but had thought were somehow just how I was.

And, just because I can’t resist it, let’s see where money would reflect this.  Remember how money is reflective?  How it shows us what we are up to?

Do you have trouble shopping?  Is it hard to choose?  Or do you buy things that you don’t seem to really like once you get them home?  There’s number 1: figuring out what you want.

Number 2: feeling guilty a lot.  This shows up a bunch with my clients.  They feel guilty about many aspects of money…not having enough, not being good with it, not tracking it, etc.

Number 3, un-equal relationships, can be a bit tricky.  Maybe you pick up the check too often, or like several clients you “over gift” and “treat” others?  How about number 4: conflict in your relationship?  We all know many couples do fight about money, and on the other end they hide what they are doing with it from each other.

Number 5: the Inner Critic is all over our money stuff, all the time.  If I had a magic wand, it is the top thing that I would change.  I would stop those heinous, nagging, distracting voices in all our heads!

I blame number 6 mostly on number 5.  It’s hard to relax with the Inner Critic ragging on us to do more, and more, or less and less.

And, finishing up with number 7, it’s unfortunate but most people do the same extreme parenting thing about money with their own children that their parents did with them about money.  That usually looks like keeping it in the taboo, un-talked about place.

So yet another place where money shows us what is driving us and where we are.  It reflects.  It doesn’t actually ‘make’ things happen.  It shows us what we are choosing.

Let’s all work on making different choices.

Ka-ching

Shell

2 thoughts on “Signs Of A Dysfunctional Family

  1. Pat Mathison

    Thank you for this piece, it explained so much to me about myself. It was an eye opener close to a councilor that once asked me if I knew what co-dependent was. Seeing yourself for what you are and why you do things, makes it easier to take the necessary steps to change.
    Your blog is great!

    Reply

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